How much should a parent interfere in the social development of their children? How much is too much?
When I was a kid and had a fight with a friend, it was up to me to solve the situation or take the consequences. Outside of our immediate neighborhood, my parents knew very few of my friend’s parents. So if we had a fight, the parents didn’t get involved except maybe to say “If you can’t get along, then you can’t go there anymore.” But today, if you don’t know intimate details of the parents of your friend’s kids then you are being a negligent parent. This has brought a new set of complications that is driving me insane.
NOW, if kids get in a fight, it demands calls between parents trying to work it out. And here is my problem with that – the kids lose the opportunity to learn how to deal with each other. They don’t learn how to take up for themselves when parents step in over every hurt feeling. This is creating a bunch of whiny kids that run to mom to solve their problems. Yeah, I believe that adults should step in when a child is being a bully. But just because one isn’t getting his way? Or was called a name? Or was ignored? Come on. Give the kids a chance to deal with it.
I am no help. Out of my league.....
ReplyDeleteBut I will tell you something entertaining (or at least TERRIFYING!) I have an HR background, you would FAINT if you knew how many PARENTS! called 'on behalf of their child' re: job openings, etc. TRUE INSTANCES:
(1) Mother called wanting to know why son DID NOT get the job he interviewed for.
(2) (DIFFERENT) Mother called wanting to know why her son got a bad annual review.
(3) (DIFFERENT) Mother SHOWED UP to talk to head of HR and CONVINCE him that her son was a perfect for job opening!
(Do you notice something here? Sons - all of them ~ Some Dad's popped up too -- I recall no incident re: daughter's! Interesting...
I'm just sayin....
I am like you - my mother was always "Work it out" or "Don't play with them anymore". Just as a LARK I would have loved to have even ASKED my mother to call a potential employer on my behalf! LOL!!!
Amen, sista!
ReplyDeleteMy ex-hubby is a big ol' wimp when it comes to dealing with things because his parents always did it for him.
On the other hand, I have dealt with my own issues my whole life, most of them without my parents' knowledge, and I just let things roll off me like water on a duck's back.
Because of this, I am a much stronger person and make friends (or not) a lot easier than him. I'm just sayin'
It is a serious problem. When my oldest went to Kindergarten my mom gave me the old, "well, you gotta let 'em get on that school bus all by themselves..." reasoning. To which (in my panic of a first time mom) I thought, "NO I don't! School buses are horrible places! All those kids and one driver!! No, WAY!"
ReplyDeleteOf course, now that I've calmed down I see she meant the metaphorical school bus of independence and self reliance. And she is right. But I still see a LOT of kids who's parents haven't and won't put them on that bus. Not when it comes to school, teachers, friends...(aparently work as Maggie Beth says. shudder.).
I've been that hovering mother and seen that it only further stifles my sweet boy. He's shy. But he's more shy when I step in and try to help.
Let them do it, so they'll know how.
Good point, Lisa.
I agree with you Lisa. Whatever happened to the good ole days.
ReplyDeleteOh God. I'm just now catching up with my blogs and I'm horrified. I didn't have many friends growing up and have always been non-confrontational when it comes to arguing so I stayed out of it all. But I couldn't IMAGINE talking to another person's parents trying to work out my kid's arguments. Are you telling me this for REAL?
ReplyDeleteYes - that can only create a world of wimps. People who have everyone do 'it' for them. Kinda like no winners in soccer games or something like that.
Life is about falling, figuring out how to get up and move on. You can't EVER do that if someone won't let you fall. Am I wrong?
No mother wants to watch her child struggle but the fact remains when that child hits adulthood - they will have to figure it the hell out. Better to learn to play that game at 9 than at 29...isn't it?
By the way Lisa- you are welcome to remind me of this within the next few years when I'm freaking out over Misch or Coco and their friends...LMAO!