Thoughts

Today is a slow day at work. I'm running reports that are taking ages, so I have time to sit and think. A dangerous notion. What I've been thinking about lately is the people in my life. And people who aren't directly IN my life, but have inspired me to DO better. To BE better. To take what is given and do what I can with it. Life is not about being pampered. No one is owed happiness. To quote a friend "The world is not here to make you happy. You have to do that yourself."

The people IN my life:

I'm lucky. I have an incredible family. Wonderful friends. People who supported me and cheered me on when I was going through my treatments. I have a husband that does love me. Yes, I complain about having to keep him in line...but I don't doubt his love. I have a son that I adore. He is growing into quite the charming, responsible young man. Yes, there were times when he was younger that I wondered why I had a child. And I'm sure there will be more of those times when he hits those teen years. But through all of those times and hard work I have to remember that I am the one that brought him here. It is MY responsibility to raise him to the best of my ability.

People who have inspired me to do better:

GB. A former co-worker. We were never close. Wouldn't even call us friends. Co-workers. She was recently diagnosed with ovarian cancer. She isn't even 40. She has 2 small children. She has a blog on caringbridge.org where she has been logging her journey. Reading that has inspired me. Her attitude is incredible. Her family has rallied around her and she is THANKFUL. Her latest entry is titled "Luckiest girl in the world".

MT. E is a nephew of a friend. He is 11. He was diagnosed with stage 4 high risk neuroblastoma. Cancer. E and his mother, MT, have both been an inspiration. I don't know how they do it. They have spent the last 5 years getting E the treatment he needs at St. Jude. He has been so strong for so long. And now the end of his fight is coming. There are no treatments left. No options. They are just watching him decline. Yet, she holds it together for him, her other son and her husband. She finds the joy in the small accomplishments. Life certainly isn't handing her bon-bons. But she is refusing to sit in the corner and give up.

So, when I'm feeling sorry for myself, when I wonder why I should keep trudging along when things don't go my way... I look to all of these people to find the strength I need. The strength I want. The strength I want Evan to have.