I have never been so scared in my life

Thursday was stressful. Preparing for surgery Friday, my nerves were already on edge. But poor planning on my part created the scariest 2 hours of my life.

Thursday started off normal enough. Got up, went through the normal routine. But right before I dropped Evan off at school I realized I had left my cell phone at home and so had he. With the morning school traffic, there was NO WAY I was going back to the house to get it. We laughed about it. I told him to call my work number when he got home. Since he walks home every day, he is supposed to call me the minute he walks through the door. Well, 3:05 rolled around. No call. So I started calling the house. Nothing. No answer. By 3:30 I was in a complete panic. I work about 45 minutes away, so I called my parents to go check out my house. They did. The front door was unlocked. The dog was still in his kennell. No backpack to be seen. They started driving around the neighborhood. No one had seen him. I didn't call Mike - I knew this would all be resolved and he would have left work for nothing. By 4:00, I couldn't stay at work anymore. I flew home. It took 30 minutes - but I was home by 4:30. I grabbed my cell phone and checked messages. There was one - from my sister-in-law. Then I saw the texts.

I had one from Mike to call Evan at a number I didn't recognize. He had gone home with a friend. But Mike didn't know I had left my cell phone at home... Evan had gotten permission, but the info never got to me.

When he got home I hugged and kissed him like never before. I think my blood pressure is still a little higher than it should be.

Next time I forget my phone, I don't care if I'm half way to work. I will go back and get it.

I know what is best for me

The past year and a half I've had to make a lot of decisions. Mostly with input from my doctors. My mom has had breast cancer, and so has one of my dearest friends. Both had a different kind of treatment than I did. But when I have questions that they can relate to, I go to them. Don't get me wrong - I don't mind talking to people about what it has been like and the choices I have made. I don't mind people saying "If I was in that situation, I think I would x, y, z." But. When I want an opinion, I will NOT be asking a person who has not been through this. And if I'm not asking you, that probably means I don't want your opinion.

Here's the latest example. Friday I will have my tissue expanders removed and REAL, NORMAL, BREAST-SHAPED implants put in. So my latest decision is saline? or silicone? I researched it. I thought about it. I asked my friend that has saline. We discussed. I decided on silicone. Why? Well, since I've had a mastectomy, I have no breast tissue to cover the implant. So if I go saline, it will literally be like having 2 bags of water on my chest. How do I know? My friend and I discussed. Silicone will be more "natural" looking/feeling. At this point, looks and feeling mean a lot. And I understand the risks of leaking. I do. But silicone implants have come a LONG way from the 70's and 80's where they were a real danger.

But back to the point. Again, I don't mind talking about all this stuff. Hell, I don't mind showing what they look like now if anyone is curious. But when I started letting people know that I was having surgery on Friday, the questions started. "What are you going with?" And when I give the answer....holy cow. People feel free to start giving opinions and trying to scare me to death about the choices I've made. The only thing I can compare it to is when you are pregnant and strangers feel free to give advice. And I'm starting to feel like a woman that is 11 months pregant and pissed off! And soon, very soon, I'm going to stop being polite.

The guts of destruction

What did I do after packing Evan off for his first day 6th grade? And also, his second day?

BEFORE:

This is the crap I pulled out before I remembered "before" pics.

AFTER:

Why, yes, that is a steel trap in the floor by his bed. He found it at his great-grandfather's house this summer and HAD to have it. Pawpaw was a hunter/trapper/farmer/fisherman and all around enemy to any animal that could be eaten or that threatened his crops. But he loved his family with a love that was known to all.

The Before pictures. That's what happens when I let things slide for any period of time. Guess that won't be happening again. Now, off to tackle one of MY closets.